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The Haphazard School of Television Post Production
by John Lavallée

I am getting sick and tired of the masochistic idiots who run things at the "Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher" show.  Specifically, the person who decided it would be "neat" to end the show in the middle of a sentence.  Usually, Bill and his guests continue talking about the most interesting thing that has come up during the last thirty minutes right up to, and usually past the end of the show.  The result is that I sit there, wondering what I missed.  They must think it's hilarious.

"Preparation H" Commercial Guy:  So get "Preparation H", and you'll be able to sit again, just like me!

[P.I. Music Plays]

Announcer:  Join us tomorrow when our guests will be... HEY!  GET BACK IN HERE!  THE SHOW IS STARTING!

John:  [Rummaging in the fridge.]  Oops.  Coming!

Bill:  OK, we're back.  The show's almost over.  Quickly, before we run out of time, God, you were saying something about the meaning of life during the break...

God:  Oh, yes.  I was saying that I might as well just stop the insanity, to steal a line from Susan Powter...

[Credits begin]

Susan Powter:  Hey, I copyrighted that line, you know!

God:  Well, I am the creator.

Susan Powter:  Don't give me that crap.  I'm a woman.

God:  Hardly.  Well, as I was saying, oh yes, the meaning of life.  Well, Bill, the meaning of life really isn't as special as everyone makes it out to be.  Actually, the meaning of life is...

ABC Announcer:  This is ABC.  [Bomp bomp BOMP!]

Infomercial Person:  Have you ever thought to yourself, I want to be able to slice carrots AND listen to my favorite soap opera at the same time?  Well, NOW you can do BOTH AT THE SAME TIME, WITH ONE CONVENIENT DEVICE!...

John:  Aaaauuuggghhhh!  [hurls remote control through TV screen.]

Bill:  Ha!  We sure burned him!  [high fives God, audience applauds.]

This is completely unacceptable.  Do you know how expensive television sets are nowadays?  This is a prime example of the problems with the American government.  Instead of sending the Department of Justice after "Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher", they're spending all their time and resources trying to nail some nerd who made an internet browser and another guy who is, to quote Chris Rock, "just trying to get laid".  This is what's wrong with America today.  Besides all the other stuff that's also wrong with America today.  Which is a completely different topic altogether.