Alt-130 Enterprises
	alt | rants

It's Their Party, and They'll Break Servers if They Want to
by John Lavallée

It has often been said that we don't realize what we have until it’s gone.  Or horribly screwed up by InterNIC, whatever.  I came to this realization a couple weeks ago when there was a party over at InterNIC headquarters.  Unfortunately, I was not invited to this event, so I have to make a few small assumptions when I tell you that this whole mess could have been avoided if someone had had the brilliant idea to keep the drunk people out of the room with all the big expensive servers.

Yes, I know.  Hindsight is 20/20.  But most of these people were too drunk to recognize their own hands.  Or an extremely fragile $2,038,000 server.  Which is why my web site was inaccessible for what seemed like the length of the communist regime in eastern Europe.  I was later told that it was only three or four days, but I have been unable to confirm this.  Frankly, I think it is a lie.

Mailbank, the company which hosts my web site, were of little help in this matter, although it is a bit unfair to expect them to fix a problem caused by a bunch of drunks tossing servers around on the other end of the continent.  And despite the fact that half of their domains were in serious need of some Viagra, they weren't rude or insincere, so they were obviously snorting painkillers, which is not a bad idea given the circumstances.

I tried to contact the CEO of Network Solutions Inc., which is the company that runs the InterNIC cooperatively with the National Science Foundation (no word yet on where they were during this incident).  However, I was informed that he was not in, due to some sort of "illness", undoubtedly caused by the half dozen cases of beer he was seen to be consuming and/or smashing on the walls of his office, while screaming something about "that damned lesbian bitch" (no word yet on whether lesbian bitches had anything to do with this incident).

This left me in the same situation as anybody wanting to visit my web site, which was a state of "wondering what the #$@&% was going on".  However, while I was pulling out my hair and the various hairs of people I know, my loyal surfers were probably shrugging and trying to remember the URL of a good pornography site.

I would like to finish by relating a heroic tale worthy of a big budget movie about how I single-handedly broke into InterNIC headquarters, got past all the security guards and flying beer bottles, and fixed all the broken servers, thus saving the world from denial of access to my page, but unfortunately, that would be slightly untrue, and I, the wonderful guy that I am, would never try to mislead my beloved visitors, or at least not until I am contacted by a large corporation with gajillions of dollars.