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How to lose friends and annoy people

• Have a picture taken of me giving a foreign dignitary "rabbit ears".
• Run for public office.
• Put an "eat me" sign on a Mickey Mouse mascot at Disneyland.
• Appear in a movie.
• Meet the Queen.
• Resist her advances.
• Tell the Publishers Clearing House People to get off my property.
• Throw up off the top of a Ferris Wheel.
• Strangle Kermit the Frog on prime time TV.
• Be a threat to national security.
• Use my arms to "fly" around crowded streets for one day.
• Hang from a flagpole.
• Talk with a lisp to see how people react.
• Beat up Jerry Springer.
• Impersonate a priest.

Fun things to do with food

• Egg a house.
• Buy 100 tacos for $100.
• Drink a horseradish milkshake.
• Cover myself with Cheez Whiz.
• Make 3 tonnes of macaroni and cheese.
• Pepper spray someone.
• Find out what it would be like to be pepper sprayed.
• Become lactose intolerant and move to Wisconsin.

How to get a free ride in the back of a police cruiser

• Throw an entire city into anarchy.
• Spray-paint the White House and 24 Sussex Drive.
• Sleep in a department store after-hours.
• Cover somebody with aluminum foil.
• Join a cult.
• Throw a Christmas tree off the roof of a high-rise.

Water and heights

• Jump out of an airplane.
• Blast off inside a spaceship.
• Water-ski.
• Skinny-dip.
• Swim in the Arctic Ocean.
• Go over the Niagara Falls.
• See the Earth from space.
• Cruise in a submarine.
• Gather enough helium balloons so that I can float.
• Find those flying reindeer.
• Fly an airplane.

I wanna know!

• Become fluent in three or more languages.
• Throw a CD against a wall to see if it really does shatter.
• Find a rap song with meaningful, legible lyrics (that aren't repeated at nauseam).
• Learn how to control my blood pressure, body temperature, etc.
• Have a conversation with Dave Barry.
• Find the movie that had a cat in it that ran across an electrified floor.

Stupid human tricks

• Break the world record for consecutive sleepless days.
• Learn to hold my breath for four (or more) minutes.
• Cut my own hair - successfully.
• See spontaneous human combustion.
• Get a body part pierced.
• Find out whether I can hammer a nail through my hand.

Fab foreign follies

• Get a job in Germany.
• Go inside an Egyptian pyramid.
• Retire early and travel the world.
• Get married at the South Pole.
• Experience a tropical Christmas.
• Explore the Grand Canyon - or the Grand Caymans.

[In]famous

• Have myself cloned.
• Invent something useful.
• Translate the Bible into Ebonics.
• Meet the Pope.
• Write a book.
• Kill somebody on ‘Law & Order' (bonus mark: kill Kenny [from South Park] on Law and Order).
• Build a life-size Lego house.
• Melt a polar ice cap.
• Build a perpetual motion machine.
• Buy a 7-11 and change it to 20-38.
• Invent a new Crayola crayon colour.
• Prove chalk is a carcinogen.
• Have a school named after me.
• Discover a new species of animal.

Self improvement--and other stuff for the hell of it

• Get laser eye surgery.
• Improve my handwriting.
• Start my own business.
• Buy a Porsche.
• Drive an old gas-guzzling American car in Japan.
• Burn a $1000 bill.
• See the Olympics.
• Denounce wealth, become wealthy.
• Operate a snow plow in August.
• Ride in a wheelchair.
• Breed dogs.
• Name one of my children "Apu Nahasapemapetalon".
• Own an elephant.
• Cover a room in silly string.

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

• Paint my bedroom blue.
• Dye my hair.
• Genetically engineer purple bees.
• Paint myself green.
• Paint my nails.
• Get colour-changing contact lenses.

Big shiny achievements

• Play in a professional hockey game.
• Grow a beard.
• Build a treehouse.
• Ride on a dogsled.
• Make a 3-point shot from centre-court.
• Recover from a coma.
• Live on a train for a year.
• Become an excellent artist.